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Or, The Hounds Are Circling

Reader,

I’ve been thinking about anhedonia lately after a weekend spent with a lovely hedonist friend. Partly because I struggle with enjoyment (we know, Mike!) but mostly because, motivated by Stephanie Perry, I am trying to learn how to tap into desire when it manifests as something akin to envy. I desire pleasure, and I seek it with little success.

Now, about anhedonia - the gworls who get it, get it. And the gworls who don’t - well, I wish I was one of them. To get that hit again and again when one seeks pleasure? 

Anyway, I’ve been in the dumps and one could say I still am but a few things have helped me and I’ll warn everyone that they’ve been hopeful but sadness hasn’t been absent. 

• Over on YouTube, Willow talked about how antidepressants saved their life. As one of the SSRI girlies, I’ve never run to a comment section so fast. Every day is Mental Health Day in this house (or we’d d*e uno) but there was something so heartening about another book lover (I know there’s a bunch of us haha) talking about their journey. I speak around my diagnosis these days (to protect the brand j/k) but I know what a difference having someone visible speak about what depression costs one can make.

• Dawnie Walton spoke with her co-host Deesha Philyaw about my beloved The Secret Lives of Church Ladies and what a treat! Writers speaking to other writers is such a delight and now I want to experience those stories again (also, if anyone wants to gift me the Waterstone’s edition I’ll be very glad <3 )

• I have really gotten into video essays as the brain has melted and refused to take in information via text or audiobook on some days. Currently working my way through Lexual Does The 80s and remembering the power of images. The one thing about them? I can’t play them in the background but they’re such a lovely reward after a day of work or the overwhelm that comes with being around more than one person.

• Audiobooks, when I’ve listened to them: Sabbath: The Ancient Practices by Dan B. Allender has especially been a balm during this time and FD Signifier’s recommendation of Racism without Racists: Color-Blind Racism and the Persistence of Racial Inequality in the United States by Eduardo Bonilla-Silva led me to listen to it during a really busy time at work. Passing by Nella Larsen is quite the experience and watching/ listening to Democracy Now! has grown my TBR audiobooks list.

• Abbott Elementary is back!!! I’m such a Janine and the way she refuses to deal with her feelings is very me haha how many books have I read because I didn’t want to face myself please don’t answer. This season is off to such a good start and I’m off to watch S02E02 once I send this out.

25 years after it came out, Third Eye Blind’s Jumper still does a lot of work, even for the non-emo among us who chafe at their mental health being a site of identity (we’ll discuss the ableism and stigma at the root of this on another day). This is a literary channel so of course we’ll reach for ‘To The Young Who Want to Die by Gwendolyn Brooks’ (read here by Roxane Gay, who speaks about the loss of her brother Joel; in whose honor these fellowships were created) when we’re in these dank moods (don’t worry; I’m just looking for hope, not a reason to live per se). All this to say, paraphrasing Celie in The Color Purple, "I'm pore, I'm black, I’m sad, I may be ugly and can't cook, a voice say to everything listening. But I'm here."

As ever, please write back to me and tell me what books you’re reading or looking forward to reading this week — it’s always a great time talking about books.

Enjoy the rest of the week and have a lovely time reading. Talk to you soon!